Carmilla | S3 E22 “Fun and Mind Games”
[Love Will Have Its Sacrifices opening theme]
You know I can’t say this is the reception your doting mother was hoping for.
Oh, gee, you’re right. Sorry. Remind me, how does Emily Post suggest welcoming an Evil God possessing her friend?
Are you really going to pretend to care about Curly Sue?
Believe me, this is the most good the little piglet’s ever been to anyone.
With her head full of sugar and spice and everything…useless
You-You shut up!
Give her back, GIVE HER BACK!
Okay, let’s not give the omnipotent evil an easy out by breaking the circle, okay.
My, my, my! Touchy aren’t we?
Why are you doing this?
Doing what, poppet? In case you haven’t noticed, you kidnapped me.
Why do any of it?
Possessing people, feeding girls to evil Gods, trying to open the Gates Of Hell?
What, did you find a book labelled “Villainy: 101”, or were all the good God gigs just picked over by the time it was your turn?
Ugh, don’t bother. It’d be easier getting a straight answer out of a snake.
Snakes are such misunderstood creatures.
Some ophiophobe writes a smash bestseller, and suddenly you’re to blame for all the evils of the world.
Oh, is that what’s going on here? You and snakes, just the victims of bad press?
‘Cause that doesn’t explain the part where you’re trying to end the world.
What’s so wonderful about this little carnival ride, hm?
I’ve seen a lot more of the world than you have. And do you want to know what makes it go ’round?
Greed. Hypocracy. Stupidity. Violence, the strong prey on the weak, the corrupt on the foolish, and…
even those with the best of intentions can hardly help but do more harm than good.
Let’s be honest. The world really isn’t going to be any worse from my opening The Gates and taking over.
We stopped you before.
Oh, poodle, if anything you made all of this possible!
Without you and the glorious mess you’ve made I’d still be on the board’s leash.
You’ll be back on it soon enough.
And how do you plan to accomplish that? Given that you shredded that fool, Vordenberg, like a tissue.
We have the first three talismans–
Okay, yeah that’s enough
Officially got you explaining our plans to her
Oooh! So forceful!
Guess we know who’s in charge these days, that’s a surprising change for you, Dear.
Well what can I say?
You inspire me.
We’ll go through our plans somewhere a little less earshot.
And leave me here? All by my lonesome?
What ever will I do?
We’ll watch her in shifts.
[Carm, offscreen] She’s going to try to get into our heads. But don’t let her.
Don’t talk to her.
Don’t listen to her.
She will try to break us.
She will sow dissent.
She preys on weakness.
Is she out?
Nothing like umptine hours spent emotionally annihilating your enemies to leave you plumb tuckered.
I told you not to listen to her.
Everything she says is a lie, Laura.
Except it isn’t.
Everything she says is true.
Yeah, the way she says it is all horrible and twisty like some evil total perspective vortex but it’s still true.
She’s loose because of me, there’s no getting Vordenberg heart to stop her because of me
and even if I had the best–
Look, you’re struggling, and you’re allowed to.
Because, Cupcake, the universe is huge, and it’s arbitrary and uncaring.
You know, one moment you can get sucked into a Hell pit and the next moment you can get pulverized by a meteor, and
really in the grand spectrum of things it’ll mean nothing.
If this is your cheering up speech, it needs a little work.
Okay, well, I was evil for the better part of three centuries, so, you know, give me a break.
The point is, if nothing means anything then the only thing that means something is what we make.
You know? I mean, look at me.
I used to use hopelessness as an excuse for all of the awful things that I did.
Until this…prissy little overachiever that I was…totally planning on handing over to my Mother
unravelled all of my plans.
Because she thought we all deserved better.
And, yeah, you are flawed.
And struggling, and uncertain, but
it is so
The way you try.
To hell with “light and casual”.
I don’t want to be light and casual with you.
I don’t want to pretend that what I feel about you is some stupid, frothy thing that doesn’t matter, because
it is like the axis that my world turns on.
we could talk ourselves out of it because,
this is scary and, and hard, and, and maybe the world is about to end, but–
If it is, then I want us to have something good to hold on to.
I love you.
Why shouldn’t that be something good?
Oh. How sweet.
But still, very sweet.
Oh you have no idea how much I’m going to enjoy killing you.
Run along now, Carm.
Time for Maman and I to have a little talk about exactly who’s doomed.