Last Week Tonight: Commonwealth Games
And now this. And now Last Week Tonight asks “How Is This Still a Thing?” This week: The Commonwealth Games. How is this still a thing? If you live in certain parts of the world, this week you’re looking forward to one thing. We got the Commonwealth Games coming up. Commonwealth Games. Welcome to the friendly games. In America, we not only don’t know what the hell they’re talking about, we couldn’t tell you if you offered us $2,000. Here’s a question: what the fuck are the Commonwealth Games? Other than the winner of the creepiest mascot
on earth competition. Well, imagine the Olympics without the United States, China, and Russia. Then imagine a track meet dominated by sprinters from Wales. And you have: The Commonwealth Games. A competition that’s only opened to members of the British Commonwealth. The Games began in 1930s, just as the British Empire was falling flat on its face. And for some
reason, continued to this day. Once every four years, the world is treated to the spectacle of the Queen join her full emotional rage. From irritated in Victoria, to damped in Manchester, to bored in Melbourne. But why would she be bored? The Commonwealth Games feature all the world’s top sports such as: squash, lawn bowls, competitive mountain biking, and netball. Which is basically what basketball would be if you didn’t have the rights to play basketball. As many of these games are British-derived, it’s no wonder that England has soared all the way to the top of second-place of the medal count. And for non-sports fans, the
Games also offered opening and closing ceremonies that speak to our sense of wonder specifically
the wonder of what an off-broadway version of the Olympics ceremonies would look like.
So tonight, we salute this week’s Commonwealth Games. The historic display of a once mighty
nation, gathering together the countries that lost and finding a way to lose to them once more. So next time, you’re on Jeopardy, and the answer is “The Commonwealth Games”, the only possible question is: how is this still a thing?