MUD GOLEMS Episode 1: Why Are we Here?


Did you say something just now? Ah no, no. I don’t… Oh, ok. Hey what are we… doing here? Here? We’re… we’re standing around, we’re Mud Golems, it’s what we do. It’s what we’ve always done. Ah, ok. This is shit. Aha, ha, haha. Ha, it’s not that bad look, we have some bottles. Wouldn’t be a camp without bottles! Bottles… Yes, and some bones. Look, I arranged them into a line! Heh, that was great. Yeah but what did we do before that? Before what? Ah… before you arranged the bones into a line. Ah, before I arranged the bones into a line, there was this pile of bones just here. And then I arranged them into a line. Uh, okay but what did we do before that? Before I arranged the bones? No before there was even a pile of bones. Oh, well, uuuuuhm… Judging by that other large pile of skulls I suppose we… killed some people. And… ate their flesh And… drank… their… blood. But you don’t remember killing people or any flesh eating or blood drinking or anything… No n- no, can’t say I recall killing anyone or eating anyone… I can’t say I recall ever seeing anyone but you, for that matter. What are people, anyway? Why on earth did we kill them? Were they naughty? Moe I think something’s very wrong here… Do you want me to give you a… Shiatsu? See I don’t think we should know what a Shiatsu is. Wher- Where even are we? The camp, Greg! Listen to me… the outside world is a mess Quit fucking around, where are we? Life in the camp is better than anything they got out there! But how do we know these things! All I remember is watching you arrange fucking bones into a line! It’s all blank before that… Settle down… This is dangerous thinking, Greg. I think we should just stand here, like we’re supposed to, and not cause any trouble. Don’t you ever wonder what goes on behind those trees? I can hear it sometimes. Don’t be silly. The creeps… they’re doing something. It sounds like cutlery tinkling away. Ridiculous. I wish I could reach out and sweep away the fog, Moe. I wish I could reach out, and uproot the trees. Greg this is weird. And hurl them into the sky. You stop it. I want to smash the bottles and bury the skulls, Moe. All you’ve done with those bones is build a fence to cage us in. I feel like a prisoner sometimes. I’m just glad I’m not alone. Whenever I start to think about the other side of the trees All I have to do is remember I’m glad I’m not alone. No one wants to be alone, Greg. You always talk like you want to leave me here by myself. I’m sorry, Matt [Sigh] Maybe you don’t see things the way I do. It’s just talking about it… Talking about… leaving. Makes the cage seem less real to me, that’s all. I’m glad I’m… Well I’m glad you’re he- Oh shiiiiiit. That’s never happened before. Oh, ergh, HNNNNNNG Deary… bitch… tits I think I’ve soiled mysel- Shh Listen, I don’t hear anything. Exactly. The creeps have stopped. I’m leaving. What? No Greg, Greg no. Come on! We gotta go check it out! Ergh, please Greg I don’t want to go I like it here! I have to do this Moe you know I have to! Everything in this world has always been a certain way. That explosion is new. Greg… It’s different! Nothing here is new or different! Greg this is crazy. All we’ve ever done is stand still and listen to the fucking creeps. Something is calling us, Moe. We have to go! Greg I don’t want to go I like it here! Come on, Moe. What’s the worst thing that could possibly happen? Oh… shit. Wha- oh. shit.

Author Since: Mar 11, 2019

  1. I can only imagine the people disliking this don't speak English as a first language and don't understand the subtly of this kind of humour, or they are dumb.

  2. 1. This camp is full of stupid and scary fullbog, not for muds =))
    2. How about stack, when Greg and Matt go out and back …"Who tf are u 2 ?"

  3. there should of been a jungler at the end stackin creeps and then just annihilating them while they scream in agony and confusion.

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