Conker the squirrel: hard-drinking, money-grabbing, but never foul-mouthed.
No, in a nod to his innocent early life,
he leaves the not-safe-for-work language to other people.
Or scarecrows! Or classically trained cack monsters!
Conker’s problem is that he’s hung over and lost in a world
full of major mental cases eager to hustle him along to the Grim Reaper,
AKA Gregg.
And that leads into a wild-eyed mash-up of styles
piled on top of a 3D platformer.
So you’ll run, jump, fight and explore,
but also fly a squirrel-bat through a Gothic mansion!
Urinate on fire imps!
And do slo-mo Matrix flips over laser fences!
Oh, those pop culture parodies!
More than you can shake a sweary pitchfork at,
whether you’re saving Private Rodent or slinging an alien out of an airlock.
If you’ve got a mates’ night in, multiplayer
lets you rob banks as a weasel gangster
or eat egg thieves as an angry raptor!
That really looks like it stings…
That’s Conker’s Bad Fur Day: jam-packed, one of a kind and not for kids,
despite how many people tell us they loved it when they were about 10.
At least they’re enjoying it legally these
days in Rare Replay…
60 seconds up, job done, marvellous!
Right, whose round is it?

Author Since: Mar 11, 2019

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