Virtual Chess 64: Chess Experts – PART 1 – Game Grumps

♫IN THIS CORNER GRUMP♫ I’m a grump! ♫IN THE OTHER CORNER NOT-SO-GRUMP♫ ♫IT’S GAME GRUMPS VERSUSSSS♫ ( cheering ) Arin: Hey! Dan: Hello, and welcome to- Oh, what is this? Arin: I’ve been trying to get into the title screen but it just doesn’t- it doesn’t work this game’s so old and it’s so laggy and its so- so- Dan: Well, it is old in that it’s from 1998 But it’s also- it’s- this is “Virtual Chess 64” it also is 10 years more recent than Battle Chess for NES which it looks worse than… Arin: Yeah, which is a better game. Aright, so I’m playing against Dan. I’m- I’m the white side, and he’s the black side Dan: Right. Arin: I’m- what the fuck is… (Dan laughs) Arin: What is happ… what the fu..? oh my god? Dan: I would imagine move the wooden arrow-spear over what you want? Arin: What the fuck? This is- This is horrible. This is horrible! …Alright. Dan: Now you push a button? Arin: Yeah Y- Jesus! Stop moving around! Dan: Oh boy… Arin: This is horrible, this game. Dan: Okay uhh… Arin: It’s Horrible. Dan: wait how do I move? Arin: you d– we have to use the same controller. Dan: Oh come on, alright… Arin: We have to use the same controller. Dan: (laughs) Okay here we go. Arin: This is- when was this game- who invented this game? Dan: I don’t- I do not know. Arin: There’s Battle Chesses that are way better than this! Dan: I couldn’t agree more. uh… Arin: J-Hay-zoos! (Jesus) Dan :Uh, Okay. Huh, huh, huh, huh, (laughs) Arin: There you go you’re moving that knight? Dan: Yeah, uh- Arin: Thanks for the controller Dan. Dan: No problem buddy. Arin: Are you threatening that? Are you threatening? Well, then I will… …back that up. I will back dat pawn up. Dan: Yeah, not dat ass because that’s- that’s got a That’s got a mind of its own. This is SO ugly to look at. Arin: (laughs) Dan: Oh my God. Arin: Wait till you get to the fight scene, Dan! Dan: Oh… Oh, does it have fight scenes like Battle Chess? Arin: Now, what is this? Why’d you move your horse there? Dan: It’s a knight first of all (laughs) Arin: Ohhhhhhhhhhh…. Dan: Arin and I have played chess What do you think about 20 times now? Arin: Nnnnn…Yeah… Dan: Is that fair to say? Arin: That’s fair to say. Dan: Cool. Arin: I don’t know why I moved him. Sure, I’ll just mirror all your moves. Dan: (laughs) Dan: Well, I’m- I’m trying different techniques this time. Arin: Yeah. Arin: Yeah, I was wondering I was like why is that knight there? This is like the worst perspective! I can’t see the Pawns! Dan: Yeah this is very ugly. Arin: Is there a way to like change it to top view so that we can see what the fuck is going on? Dan: I don’t know. Maybe we can, maybe there is… Arin: no… Dan: Okay. Arin: We gotta- We gotta start taking some pieces so you can see the real magic in this game (both laugh) Arin: What is that? Why is that there? Why did you do that?! Arin: Which one’s the queen? Okay this is the queen. Dan: Yes. Arin: And the king is got the cross on top. Dan: correct. Arin: Cause he’s a religious- Dan: He’s a man of God. Arin: He’s- He’s a- he is a man of- Dan: He is the closest you can be to God Arin: Uh, okay, I’m gonna… Dan: According to medieval… whatever. Arin: Check this out! Dan: Oh shiiit! Arin: What do you think of that action? Dan: I think it’s- Arin: do you think that’s hot and sexy and sultry? Dan: Yeah. Yeah I do actually. Arin: Is that giving you a raging hard on? ( both laugh ) Arin: Is that giving you a large Hadron collider? Dan: Yeah, it is. Dan: uh… Arin: Are you gonna collide with my Hadron? That’s a never joke. That’s a never joke, as in it’s never been made. Or never will be made Dan: You’re just gonna take it huh? Oh, no. Arin: I’m not just gonna take it I’m gonna back that ass up. Dan: Oh you, well, you’re about to take it in other ways. Arin: Uh oh. Dan: Yeah. Arin: Uh oh. Dan: You can’t- you can’t fight my wall of impending pawn doom! Arin: (laughs) Pawn doom? Well, what if I escape again? Dan: Haha! You mean to the only place you can possibly go? Arin: Then shwat’ll you do? Dan: (laughs) Arin: Now, I am on the run consistently and you’ve advanced! Dan: You’re right! Can’t argue with that. Arin: (laughing) How do you feel about that, motherfuckaaaa? Dan: (laughs) Dan: Oh goodness gracious. Arin: No, don’t Dan. Don’t! Dan: What do you mean don’t? Arin: Don’t move it! Dan: “Noooo, stop!” Arin: I’m scared of the potential action that will ensue Dan: (laughs) Arin: AaAaAaHHHHH! My pawn is thritinned! Dan: I mean, maybe it is maybe it isn’t, it’s hard to know because so many fucking things are in the way… (laughs) of- of seeing. Arin: Okay, check this shit out. Dan: Hopefully everyone out there knows how to play chess or has some rudimentary… Arin: Okay. Here’s- Here are the rules of chess. Don’t lose. Dan: Yeah, there you go. Oh yeah. Arin: Boom. Dan: Castle. Sweet castle. Sweet animation too for the castling. Arin: Castle fuckin’… Don’t even get me started. Don’t even get me started. I’m going to break down your castle with some fuckin’… artillery Bro. Dan: Okay. Arin: It’s coming at you in the form of knights and bishops being taken by your pawns (laughs). Dan: Boy, I do not understand what you’re talking about right now. Arin: Yeah, well, I’m trying to threaten you with non-threatening words Dan: (laughs) Arin: What’s happening? Dan: It’s pretty great. Arin: Uh… What did you just do? What did you do? Why did you do that? Arin: This isn’t doing shit! This knight’s not doing shit for me… right now! Uhhhhhh….. How about this? Take that! Dan: Yeah, how about this place that it can’t move to? Arin: Why? Dan: Oh no, there it can move, there it can. Arin: Fucking- whoa! Dan: Whoaa- Ohhh! Arin: Yay, that’s- wait. Hold on… Dan: Oh god. Oh, I guess they’re magnetized… to the board. Arin: Wait, how am I supposed to… Oh God… Dan: Oh boy… Whoa goodness. Whoa goodness gracioses. Arin: Oh. Oh, it’s only two ways to rotate it Dan: Oh, please stop! Arin: It’s this way… Dan: Please stop. Arin: And this way. Dan: I’m gonna barf. Arin: Okay, hold on… Arin: Let it- Let’s like cock it a little bit so it’s- how’s that? Wait, that’s- that’s worse! Dan: Yeah, it’s the best, Arin. Arin: And then you can’t even tell the pieces they are from above! Dan: Arin, oh God please stop! Arin: (laughing) Dan: Please stop, I’m gonna throw up. Arin: Alright here, you get a little action on your side now.. Dan: Okay this is yeah, this is pretty sweet Arin: You can totally see what the pieces are… Now. Dan: Oh God. Arin: Who fucking decided this was a good way to play chess?! Dan: Fuck, and now all the controls are upside down too. Arin: What?! Dan: Like moving up- Arin: Are you serious?!
(both laugh) Dan: Oh God… Arin: I’ll just… Rotate it back! Dan: Oh God in heaven… what were they thinking?!
(Arin still laughing) Dan: All right, I – I mean this… Arin: Virtual chess 64! Arin: I wish this playthrough was- was- existed in 1998 as a commercial for virtual chess 64. Dan: Yeah, and even then we’d be like “what the fuck is going on?” Arin: What is this? What did you just do? What did you just do?? Dan: I protected myself so you can’t get the fucking fork on the queen and the rook with the knight. Arin: (sighs) Well, that’s what I wanted
(Dan laughs) Dan: Well, why didn’t you take my needs into account? Arin: Uhhh- Man, I’m bone zoned. You’re too good at chess man. I can’t do shit. Dan: Well, you said it’s your goal to beat me at chess by 2018. So this is- Arin: …Did I say that?! Dan: Yeah! Arin: Ah, man, why do I keep setting unrealistic goals for myself?
(Dan laughs) Arin: Shit- Dan: Oh boy…. Arin: Uh, you know what I’m gonna do? I’m gonna make some action satisfaction happen. Arin: No…I don’t want that… Dan: No- no play chess man. Arin: But it’s hard! Now I gotta like think for like an hour! Dan: …well… Arin: (frustrated noises) Arin: Zip zap! Dan: Zip zap zappity doo Arin: All right. I’m gonna. I’m gonna back up that bish, bro. Dan: Back dat bissssh! Arin: I mean, I don’t want to talk out lou- I don’t want to say what I’m doing. Arin: You know I mean I don’t wanna give away my sick strats or anything. Dan: I can see that. I got- I got those eyes (laughs). Dan: …um… Arin: You got those chelven eyes… That’s a chess elf. Dan: (laughs) Dan: Let’s get this party going Arin: Are- are you are you-? Dan, are you getting the party going? Dan: Yeah, yeah. The party’s going now. Arin: Okay, okay. Here’s what’s happening: Dan: Uh, huh? Arin: Here’s it. Oh my God, this is like a super trade right now! Dan: Yeah. Arin: It’s-it’s-it’s knight and then bish’ and then, oh no just pawn Dan: Yes. Arin: And then knight and then bish’… Dan: Correct. Arin: And then-and then what? Dan: And then nothing. Arin: And then well.. Dan: And then a whole lot of jack sassy-
Arin: Mmmm, says you.
Dan: That’s my new word for nothing. Arin: Jassy. Dan: Jack sassy. Arin: Jack Sassy. Dan: ‘You guys brought jack sassy to the party?’, that means they brought nothing. Arin: So you think. Dan: Oh? Oh? OH? OH? Are we fighting-are we fighting? Arin: So you think– Dan: We’re fighting! Arin: So you think! Dan: Oh my, God. Arin: Bro, so you think– What the FUCK is this?! Dan: Are you serious? Arin: What is–what the hell? It’s a unicorn!! Dan: Yeah, because you’re white. So you’re the good one, and I’m black, so I’m like an evil battering ram thing. Dan: Aw man, now I got to kill a unicorn?! Arin: Yeah. Dan: That’s like my least favorite thing to do in the world! Alright… Arin: (laughing) If you can make it. Dan: Yeah, geez. Arin: Oh shit… Dan: What’re pawns- Oh, oh God, they’re- Arin: (stupid voice) HELLOOOOOOOOO! Dan: OH! God, Arin, please! Arin: I’m not doing that! Dan: That was the real animation? Arin: That’s the game! Dan: Oh, that’s disgraceful. Arin: Check this shit out! (sings) DUN NUH DUN NUH- Taking your pawn!
(both laugh) Arin: Y’all ready for this!? Both: (Singing the beginning to “Ya’ll Ready For This?” from Space Jam) DUN DUN DUN DUNDUN DUN DUN DUNDUN…. Arin I take your pawn! Now you’re tiny man! Dan: (laughing) Oh my, God! Arin: Insert yourselves into the lung- lungs of the poor! Dan: My God this sucks. Alright, uh… Arin: How dare you. How fucking dare you? Dan: Um… Arin: You piece of trash. Dan: Whoa, Arin. Arin: You garbage–You garbage disposal. Dan: You garbage human. Um… Mmm is that what I want? Arin: Piece of human trash. Dan: That’s what I want. Arin: Oh, gosh, oh, God in Heaven! Dan: What am I? An evil little–what are these things!? What country with this made in? Arin: (witch laugh) Arin: Yeah, I feel like that’s like- Arin: Romanian lore or something.
Dan: Yeah, exactly. Arin: Or it’s like, “well the green pixie elf…” Dan: Krampuss. Dammit, I made the wrong decision. A: Yeah, that’s what I’m saying! Dan: I did, I did. Arin: Uhhh…
Dan: Good choice. Arin: Well- well now that you say that, now I’m like oh shit is there more opportunity for me? Than what I thought was open for me? Arin: Mmm… Arin: Mmm… Dan: it might have just been less opportunity for me. Arin: Okay, well, I’ll just do it then. Dan: No, it was more opportunity you could have gotten a pawn for free. Arin: Oh… Whatever. Dan: Alright… Arin: Eat him, eat him! You can’t even see the action cuz the fucking thing switches! Dan: Boy, this is terrible Arin: What pawn? Oh, that pawn. Dan: Yeah- How did it crash through the glass– there’s no glass here. Oh well. Arin: Glassy ass I don’t know. Dan: yeah seems that way. Arin: Maybe the board is made out of glass, and it’s just like stained glass… Dan: (laughing) Oh my, God! Arin: Oh, look she’s so heavy. She killed the horse.
“So pretty…” Dan: Oh, that’s the queen? That’s the evil queen? Arin: Oh my, God really? Dan: Yeah. So hot. Arin: SO hot. So hot to trot dude. I’m gonna threaten you motherfuckaaa! Arin: What now bitch? What y’all gonna do!? Dan: Um, I’m gonna take it cuz it’s an empty threat? It’s not backed up by anything. Arin: Oh, snap there goes– Dan: UGH! Stop twirling the board! Arin: –there goes dead. Dan: Boy, she just– Arin: Is it an empty threat? IS IT!? Dan: Oh! That’s your queen! Arin: Oh, shit! Dan: Ohhhhh, I thought that was your king!! Awwwwww! Arin: (singing) DUN DUN DUNDUN My queen stabbed yo queen, bitch! Dan: Oh my, God! Arin: You got dat queen, motherfuckAAAAH! Dan: Oh my God, wow, I totally thought that was your king! Dan: Goddamn the graphics-
Arin: I castled my king! Dan: Goddamn the graphics on this game! Arin: (laughs) Dan: Aw, so bad, wow… That’s- I’m really in trouble now, um… Oh jeez, I’m in horrible situations now uh…. Arin: What y’all gonna do bitch? Dan: Not much. Arin: Your knight is gonna get fucking nom-nommed! Dan: No.. I can stop that. Arin: Back that shit up. Dan: But-but, I mean I’m in terrible trouble. Arin: Back. Dat. Ass. Up! Dan: (chuckles) Arin: Damn, girl! Yo ass thicc- Arin: Sorry, I got a little – (both laughing) I got a little out of hand there.
Dan: I’m sorry. I- I can’t, uh, apologize enough. I- I’ve embarrassed myself. Arin: Now what do I do? I gotta take advantage of this situation; the pressure’s on! The pressure’s on like Donkey Kine. Dan: (laughs) Donkey Kine? Arin: Yeah. (laughs) I’m just trying to- I’m just trying to make conversation. Ummmmm… Dan: *humming* Arin: There’s so many moves I could just make for free, so I guess I’ll just do that. Dan: Yes. Arin: I’ll make… da moves for da frees Dan: For dvhssj. Arin: I’ll move along to pawns and you can move along– Dan: The paw-uhns? Dan: Oh man… so Bonington! I’m so Sir Bonington! Arin: You’re so boned, bro. So boned. You move that knight I take that rook! Arin: Kind of.. I threatened that rook at least. Dan: Yeah, um… Arin: Oh, oh, I see how this is! Double Jeopardy on my pawns? Arin: You’re really breaking new ground there Copernicus! (laughs) Dan: What the fuck? Dan: Arin. Arin: What? Dan: (laughing) Double Jeopardy on my pawns. Arin: Well, you got a queen in there, too, so that’s cool! Great. I don’t care. You think you’re so fucking smart, but you’re not. Dan: Nnn okay. Arin: Fucking… Arin: Shit, yeah watch this. Ha!
…I hope I didn’t fuck myself. I’m just trying to I’m trying to make it happen Cap-tin Dan: ‘Capt-in’ Arin: Just wanted to over enunciate the part that doesn’t rhyme. Arin: Aw, shit-! Dan: (singing) Arin: I’m about ready to took that rook What are you doing? What-What is it that you’re doing right now? Dan: I don’t know, man. What do you think I’m doing? Arin: I don’t know what I think you’re doing! Dan: Wow. All right, well first of all Arin: Did I like fall right into your trap or…? Dan: It wasn’t exactly a trap but first of all, you took my bishop But you did lose your queen. Arin: Did I? Dan: Yeah, because my bishop is backing it up. Arin: Oh my bad. Arin: Yeah, that’s what I figured. Dan: Yeah, but like it wasn’t exactly a trap. I was just trying to get my rook in the open air so he could like move across the board. Arin: Oh, so it was– It was like a ‘I don’t even have to worry about this because it’s so dumb’ and then I did the dumb thing and then you were like oh, well. Dan: Well, I mean now we’re even. Does that queen only have one foot? Arin: Well, no, well they’re together because she’s a beautiful lady, and she values her femininity. Dan: And she values Chinese foot-binding– like much royalty. Arin: I will do this. How about that? Dan: I love it. Arin: Take it. Dan: I will not take it. Arin: Why not?! Dan: (laughing) Arin… Arin: PLEASE! Dan: (laughing) Arin: I’m begging you! Dan: Give me something! Arin: From the cockles of my soul! Dan: Oh boy Yeesh.. um… Arin: Go ahead, make some bread maybe that bishop will end up dead. (both laugh) Dan: Nice. Um…. Oh… Shit balls Arin: Yeah, right? That was a good move. Dan: It was a very good move! Arin: I’m gonna pat myself on the back of the neck there. Dan: I got skills– Arin: Cause in my culture… In my culture that’s what you do. Dan: Okay. A: Good pat them on the back of the neck. Dan: Alright, I think we’re about halfway through this game want to do next time on Game Grumps; then make it a two-parter? Arin: Next time on Fame Grumps. Dan: Alright. We’ll finish this tomorrow, and oh God what a shit show this has turned into Arin: I know right? Dan: I love it Arin: We’re both really good at chess. Dan: Yeeeeah, I don’t know about that…. Arin: All the chess club kids are like, ‘fuck these guys’. Dan: (laughs) ‘They’re too good!’

Author Since: Mar 11, 2019

  1. 3:41 En pason. I know it's not programmed in games, but it's a real chess move that would fuck Arin in da butt at dis moment. And he'd do it with the pawn in the kings row. And yes I've thought of future movements. Dan'd get the bishop while Arin gets pawnz

  2. 13:03 the camera is so bad that both Danny and Arin thought the rook was protecting the knight cuz the pawn on c7 was hidden

  3. It amazes me how the N64 is home to (in my opinion) some of the finest gems in gaming.

    And also this barf fueled disaster of a chess game. Truly a magical system.

  4. Before video: Oh no do they even know how to play this game? Well here goes nothing…
    After video: Wow they were actually pretty competent at playing.

  5. aaand aaron could have won in 2 moves if he hadn't moved that pawn when he still had his queen. would have been rook moved next to bishop, then queen up 2. checkmate gg @ 12:47

  6. Here In this Comment chain,
    Chess geniuses will discuss
    every mistake Erin and Dan have made in this game.
    Mistake Number 1:


  7. I would just like to point out that this game was made by the same people as Superman 64, if that clears anything up.

  8. My parents must think I'm weird screaming the word "Pawn" loudly from my bedroom but Dan, c'mon with 9:40…

  9. I'd rather they just got a real board out and filmed themselves having a game of chess. Please make this happen guys. Get this to the top!

  10. Arin you were looking at a possible checkmate! Why did you move the Queen like that?! Ya dun goofed, kid. Ya dun fucking goofed.

    Oh geez, in all seriousness though – nothing fills me with rage more than chess.

  11. Some Romanian lore facepalms oh krampus facepalms Danny that's like Germany 😂😂😂 Romania never had krampus

  12. In the minute 14:06 if Arin move his queen to the right to threat the king and Danny just move it, it could being a really epic mate with his tower.

  13. UNPOPULAR OPINION: I root for arin a majority of the time plus I watch his screen (it coincides with the way I lie in bed but still)

    Love you Arin💜💜

  14. Wait, why is the white bishop a freaking Wizard?? And the black bishop is a tiny devil???? What is anything right now??????

  15. arin would of won this match this video if he saw that he could put his queen adjacent to dan's king to the left making it a checkmate, meaning, arin would have won and made his goal on beating dan on chess.

  16. Thought Arin did some illegal move with the king and the rook around 4:20, turns out it’s some advanced move called castling I’ve never heard of (not that I’m any expert, I just thought I knew how to play)

  17. Jesus Christ Arin is awful at chess, sub 1000 rating easy. There are 3 year old children better than this. Wow. Just wow.

  18. I would like to point out if Arin had moved his Rook to A4 and then his queen to E6 at 12:46 he might've had Dan in checkmate as long as Dan didn't move his knight to D4 his next turn.

  19. It takes so much work to understand what the pieces are and where they can go that rotating the board forced me to reconsider my frame of reference relative to the Earth and the Sun. Be warned that the Earth is a non-inertial reference frame despite what your rudimentary experiences may tell you.

  20. “Please stop, I’m gonna throw up, bc I am a gigantic pussy” is what Dan should say anytime one measly little flip, pathetically makes him pukey. What a fuckin’ poon.

  21. It appears an emulator glitch is what causes the board to spin out of control during the battle sequences. Doesn't do that on an official cartridge.

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